Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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