So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?