my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
