If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
