Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
