is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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