I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
