this just has baby written all over it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
