I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
