they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
