Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
