party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
