new low.... made out with someone while peeing
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
