Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
