we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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