I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
