It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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