Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
