toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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