Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
