so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
