Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
