I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
