some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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