cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
