Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
