Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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