Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
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i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
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I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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