good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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