i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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