Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
