he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
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My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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