We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
