this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
