he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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