Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
