I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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