I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i think my mom watched the whole time
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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