I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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