and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
