I wish I only lived at night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
