I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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