I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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