think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
