we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This is the high leading the old right now
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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