we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
