You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
