he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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