I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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