Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I would fuck him just for his dog
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
