This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
