Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
