I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
