Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
