I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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