you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
