I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
