he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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