What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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