She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
