90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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