good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
