the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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