so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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