new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
