you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
