YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
