my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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