Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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