I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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