So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
