8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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