Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
