dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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