Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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