I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
do nipples grow back?
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