She announced her abortion via fbk
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
